"West said the officer on the scene told him, "I opened the door and this Oompa-Loompa is standing there," referring to the brightly-colored characters from "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory."…"

Oh, Jesus. I heard about this story last night and had to do that thing where you pull out your iPhone in the bar, just to Google something. Every paragraph is like opening a new sickly gift.

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