Horoscopes Are Bollocks, One.

Sue and I both get daily horoscopes delivered to our gmail accounts. I picked up the idea from her, but the joke is, hers always say bad things like “you are shit at golf,” and mine always say amazing things like “you are amazing in every way possible.” However, I have a sneaking suspicion that horoscopes are bollocks. And to prove it, I plan to dissect mine over the course of the next week. Day one:

You could be going through some social changes, Matt. Maybe you are no longer hanging out with the same group of friends. You could find that your social interests are changing. Maybe you aren’t interested in going out to clubs anymore. You could develop an interest in coffeehouses or other small venues. It might be time to start introducing yourself to some new people. You’ll soon have a wonderful new collection of pal.

1.I am and have always been going through social changes. As a social being I work hard always to be in perpetual change, since that’s what life’s about. Friends aren’t for making one feel better about stagnating. Your point is?

2.What same group of friends? I’ve never been a “grouper.” I’m more of a “plucker,” if you catch my drift. I don’t do well in groups. The idea of so-called “group therapy” absolutely terrifies me. I imagine I would have DIED in an American High school.

3.Social interests like drinking? I stopped that last year, and since then, it’s been broadly similar at golf, reading, eating, and sleeping. A year is close enough, though, I guess. And we did play a BOARD GAME the other night.

4.Clubs? The last time I went to a club was to Holocene to see Jamie Lidell in 2006. I may also have been to that same “club” last year for Scott Moore’s 30th birthday, but it didn’t strike me as much more than a warehouse with lights, and we weren’t dancing.

5.An interest in coffeehouses. Right. I have an interest in coffeehouses. That’s not bollocks. But I don’t know if an “interest in coffeehouses” is really worth mentioning on one’s list of interests. It’s a bit like an interest in stairs.

6.”A collection of pal.” I rest my case. I have a collection of pal. I also have a collection of scart. And a collection of marble.

I was expecting that critique to be more incisive than in turned out to be. Still, we’re warming up. Maybe tomorrow we’ll really cut to the heart of my being.

6 responses to this post

  1. Richard Walden -

    Matt, you had never struck me as someone who had too much time on his hands.

    I was wrong.

  2. Richard Walden -

    Matt, you had never struck me as someone who had too much time on his hands.

    I was wrong.

  3. Matt Davis -

    You’re right Richard. I think I’m going to quit this on day one. Day two, it’s possible, could really be horrible.

    Good points about having a personal blog: The ability not to stick to one’s editorial commitments!

  4. Matt Davis -

    You’re right Richard. I think I’m going to quit this on day one. Day two, it’s possible, could really be horrible.

    Good points about having a personal blog: The ability not to stick to one’s editorial commitments!

  5. Kiala -

    What? NO. I was looking forward to looking deep into your soul tomorrow and possibly finding out you really, really like ginger snaps.

    Or heroin.

  6. Kiala -

    What? NO. I was looking forward to looking deep into your soul tomorrow and possibly finding out you really, really like ginger snaps.

    Or heroin.

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