A story I wrote last week about a local lawyer giving a parking ticket to a cop has been picked up by the Associated Press, meaning I am now world famous. I would like to write more about how this feels, but put simply: I am now better than you. Sue’s dad even sent me a clipping from this morning’s Ithaca Journal!
KATU is running the story as their lede on the web, and a Google search turns up over four pages of results. My favorite summary of the story, however, comes in the form of a commenter at Newsvine, who somehow manages to bring up the subject of the officer’s penis:
Attorney: Your penis is not bigger because your a cop.
Police Officer: Yes it is, I am the 50, and I can park where I want.
Attorney: Oh no it’s not…. I’ll see you in court and the judge can decide.
Police Officer: Did you not hear me, I am the 50 b*tch.Few weeks later.
Attorney: Sir, mr popo was illegally parked.
Police Officer: Was not.
Attorney: Was to!
Indeed. Did I mention I am now world famous?
What implications this has for my own penis, I’m unsure. It certainly feels different this morning. Although the sad truth is, this story was the one from last week about which I felt least tumescent. I was prouder of the one about the cops busting a meth house in Portland’s upscale Pearl District, and a column about a homeless guy who’d been sleeping under a bridge when the cops came to roust him and his friends. I feel like the guy who wrote Deliverance, all pissy because I really wanted to be a poet, but everyone was more interested in something I bashed out about a rafting trip with piggy-themed buggery.